Support from friends

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Permalink Reply by Katherine Corkill on December 9, 2009 at 9:33am

Most of us have been where you are...and in keeping things in perspective, I always tried to spend an evening or a weekend day each week with our close friends so as not lose our closeness. Not everything has to be accomplished in one day...sometimes we can be our own worst enemy because we think everything has to be done right this instant and unfortunately it could be at the expense of relationships.

On the other side of the coin, there will be those friends that don't support you, even if you gave them your full attention, out of a sense of jealousy. They see you as ingenuitive and heading in a direction they themselves cannot even perceive, let alone how you did it. Some will have the courage and conviction to pursue their dreams while others only dare to dream and continue in the pigeon hole they have placed themselves into.

Unfortunately, my husband and I recently had a severed relationship of friends of over 10 yrs despite our best efforts to remain in touch due to their economic state of affairs and the troubles we all fell under when this economy turned. We plugged ahead with my business while they became trapped with the pitfalls of having been with a company for over 20 yrs only to now be laid off. Social security doesn't even touch their bills and their retirement was cut in half. A very scary time for them...We still love them dearly and miss them, but we have also come to accept their challenges and that they may have withdrawn due to their circumstances out of jealousy, embarrassment or a sense of pride. They were perhaps only suppose to be our friends for a season rather than a lifetime...who knows, but don't consume your thinking with "what ifs" and "how comes" it will only serve to become a distraction.

Take that break for friends, believe me, it will actually help to release some of the stress and give you a breather so when you return to your tasks, the mountain just got reduced to a mole hill.

Best Wishes!

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Permalink Reply by dM, CEO on December 9, 2009 at 12:12pm

Katherine,

I love what you said about being sure to make time for friends. I have not always done a good job of that, in part because my business associates have slowly become my friends. Despite great business relationships, I still need friends that go beyond that, especially ones physically close to me who know my husband and children first-hand. One of the things I'm determined to do better is cultivate, maintain and contribute to those friendships more.

Having said all of that, the reality is that, since our family business supports our entire family, it's not always possible to focus on friendships as much as we would like. Like everything else, it ebbs and flows. But at the start of a small business, to some extent, it simply is all consuming. In other words, for a period of time, especially at the beginning when you are doing every little thing by yourself, there will be days and weeks of time when you simply don't see friends much at all. I think that's just part of what you buy into when you become an entrepreneur -- at least that's my experience.

I am blessed to have a close network of friends who are very patient, sort of allowing us to come in and out depending on the needs of our family.

I hope the couple you are talking about get through their tough time and are able to reconnect with you and your husband one day.

Thanks for this great reply and great perspective on friendships.

dM

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Permalink Reply by IBN Member Liana Spiegel on December 9, 2009 at 11:55am

Thank you Katherine! I feel better now :) Some relationships are just not meant to be. And I think it was just a matter of time for it to happen. I understand that some people are introverts and don't get excited about anything and nobody can change that. And I believe that it is very detrimental to stay around these people because the are not the last people to support and encourage you, but they are the first people to discourage you. Sometimes it's hard enough even without them. But thankfully all of my other friends are excited about what I do and I'm not talking about buying things from me, I'm sure none of us here, need favors when it comes to that. I love when people send me links, ideas, possible clients and clippings from local newspapers. I truly appreciate it, because they are like my agents out there and it shows they think about me and they care :) I know I would do the same for them.
People are the strangest creatures though with all the jealousy and pride issues :) Why can't everybody just be happy?

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Permalink Reply by dM, CEO on December 9, 2009 at 12:15pm

Liana,

Thank you for sharing from your heart and giving people here an opportunity to connect with and support you!

I have had friends as well who just don't want to be involved on any level in my business -- they don't want to hear about it, etc. In the past, sometimes, it's been due to jealousy. But mostly, it's because they really care about me as opposed to my business. I think I used to have a tendency to talk about it all the time. Some people just got tired of it because they just don't care about handmade beauty products and how great they are.

So I've learned to either distance myself, or when we're together, talk about something else. Usually them!! LOL!

We are here to support you. With support and that rock of a husband you have, Marmalade Hills is destined for great success!

Go!

dM

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Permalink Reply by IBN Member Liana Spiegel on December 9, 2009 at 1:50pm

Thanks dM!

That is why I am here :) After all, your family is all it matters and friends do tend to grow apart. So I am staying on course!

Liana.

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Permalink Reply by Kalandra Robinson on December 10, 2009 at 10:26pm

Hello Liana,

You definitely are not alone. Though you may be just starting out, success seems to often come with a price. I've learned that there are two significant types of periods in life that allow revelations of whose who. Good times and bad times. When you're in between, everybody's OK and it seems there is always love in the air for each other. But once you finally discover purpose, not everyone will agree. When things get tough, you might find you don't have as many shoulders to cry on as you once thought. I am also new to this game. I'm a would-be entrepreneur that's working hard to be more of a 'be' than a 'would'. And it is true - some people may only be in your life for a season. Liana, maybe you simply outgrew your ex-friend. Whose to say. One left, which has made room for many, many more to come. Good luck to you.

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Permalink Reply by dM, CEO on December 13, 2009 at 2:00pm

Kalandra,

Very well put. I hope lots of people will read, embrace and be encouraged by your insights. I am.

Thank you.

dM

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Permalink Reply by Lorraine Frongillo-Downer, RA on December 16, 2009 at 11:06am

Amen to ALL of the above. I, too, have experienced similar issues with friends and although sad to see them go, it does open many, many doors for NEW Unconditionally loving and supportive friends...Yippee! Walking forward in all of our endeavors is part of living life to the fullest and miracles abound.
Many Abundant Blessings to All & Thank You,
Lorraine

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Permalink Reply by IBN Member Liana Spiegel on February 7, 2010 at 10:41pm

Thank you Kalandra! Very well said! Since you got me thinking... I think it is probably because not so many people know their purpose and when they see a person with clear vision they get insecure about their own lives...

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Permalink Reply by Theresa Anderson on December 16, 2009 at 11:27am

It would be a perfect world if we all had true friends that were supportive and understanding but this is usually not the case. You are doing the right thing to live out your dreams. There is no worse feeling than to live your life unhappy, unfulfilled and completely at a lost because you allowed for what I like to call "dream-stealers" to hinder your life goals. I am speaking from experience when I say that sometimes we simply outgrow our friends. They go year after year doing the same things over and over again and then you decided to do something different and they can't take it so they 'act-out' by attempting to hold you back rather than make new goals for themselves. I am happy to say that they almost got away with it but failed miserably. You have your husband, you have your children and you must believe new friends (and true friends) are on their way. Keep doing what you're doing and make those ex-friends of yours even more jealous!

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Permalink Reply by IBN Member Liana Spiegel on February 7, 2010 at 10:51pm

Another great point Theresa! I was just reading about it in Stephen Covey book. He says: The enemy of the "best" is the "good". "Best" is your vision your passion and "good" are just good things that you can be doing... It is easy to decide between "good" and "bad" but it is much harder to make decisions about what is "best" for you and what is "good".

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Permalink Reply by Charlon Bobo on December 16, 2009 at 12:16pm

From your post: "I am always busy and completely consumed by my kids, family and business. Everybody knows not to bother me because I'm always busy."

I am a huge proponent of looking in the mirror before assigning labels to the behavior of others. It's simply too easy to say others are jealous, inconsiderate, careless, thoughtless or unsupportive and go on about the business of life. Unfortunately this approach doesn't allow the opportunity for considering OUR contribution to the dynamic. No, we aren't responsible for the behavior of others, but we are 50% of the equation.

I also like to place myself in the 'shoes' of the other person. If one of your friends was completely consumed with her kids, family and business and you knew not to bother her, you could easily see there isn't much of a basis to develop and grow a friendship.

Launching and maintaining a business requires a focused effort. With only 24 hours in a day, we must consciously choose where we invest our time and energies so it produces the greatest return. It may be that now is not the time to focus on friendships, but on your other priorities; kids, family, business. There is no right, wrong, good or bad; just the best decisions for our individual lives. When we're honest with ourselves, we always know what those decision are, but it isn't always easy to implement them because on some level we know it may very well change our relationships.

People do come and go throughout the course of life. Being clear on our priorities, acting with kind and loving gestures, standing in our own power, and being willing to be the first one to initiate change is a path of courage; not easy, but worth it. I have found that allowing anything to fall away that doesn't truly serve my highest interest leaves room for people and experiences that are a much better fit.

Liana, I wish you every success in life and in business as you embrace what's true and important to you. You will find YOUR way and you'll be surrounded by those whose purpose it is to support your vision. Blessings,

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